Winters used to be cold in England. We, my parents especially, spent them watching the wrestling. The wrestling they watched on their black-and-white television sets on Saturday afternoons represented a brief intrusion of life and colour in their otherwise monochrome lives. Their work overalls were faded, the sofa cover—unchanged for years—was faded, their memories of the people they had been before coming to England were fading too. My parents, their whole generation, treadmilled away the best years of their lives toiling in factories for shoddy paypackets. A life of drudgery, of deformed spines, of chronic arthritis, of severed hands. They bit their lips and put up with the pain. They had no option but to. In their minds they tried to switch off—to ignore the slights of co-workers, not to bridle against the glib cackling of foremen, and, in the case of Indian women, not to fret when they were slapped about by their husbands. Put up with the pain, they told themselves, deal with the pain—the shooting pains up the arms, the corroded hip joints, the back seizures from leaning over sewing machines for too many years, the callused knuckles from handwashing clothes, the rheumy knees from scrubbing the kitchen floor with their husbands' used underpants.
When my parents sat down to watch the wrestling on Saturday afternoons, milky cardamon tea in hand, they wanted to be entertained, they wanted a laugh. But they also wanted the good guy, just for once, to triumph over the bad guy. They wanted the swaggering, braying bully to get his come-uppance. They prayed for the nice guy, lying there on the canvas, trapped in a double-finger interlock or clutching his kidneys in agony, not to submit. If only he could hold out just a bit longer, bear the pain, last the course. If only he did these things, chances were, wrestling being what it was, that he would triumph. It was only a qualified victory, however. You'd see the winner, exhausted, barely able to wave to the crowd. The triumph was mainly one of survival. | 英格兰昔日常有的寒冬时节里,我们一家子靠观看摔跤比赛来消磨时光,我的父母尤其钟情如此。礼拜六下午在黑白电视里看到的摔跤比赛,勉强给他们带来一丁点儿变化与色彩,否则他们的生活将一如既往单调无光。他们的工作,总的说来乏味平淡;就连他们躺着的沙发,沙发布经年未换,已经褪色暗淡;而他们来英格兰之前是何等摸样,印象也正依稀惨淡。我的父母亲,连同那整整一辈人,只为那微薄寒酸的工资条,将生命中最好的年华,消耗在了工厂里单调不变、没有尽头、辛辛苦苦的劳作中。一辈子苦工,换来的是脊梁弯曲、慢性关节炎乃至双手残疾的命运。可他们除了咬紧嘴唇、忍受痛苦,别无他法。按他们的想法,唯有对周遭际遇表示麻木 --- 对同事的怠慢轻视已习以为常;领班尖牙利嘴劈里啪啦的训斥声中,他们不敢昂头还以脸色;还有,若是印度妇女,被丈夫粗暴对待也只能逆来顺受。不管是手臂刺痛、臀关节磨损、还是因为太多年伏在缝纫机上落下后背痉挛的病根、抑或是洗衣服洗出的指节老茧、还是用自家男人废弃不用的短裤抹地弄得膝盖湿淋淋,他们始终告诫自己,要忍受痛苦,要化解苦难。
在一个个周六下午,父母亲端一杯豆蔻茶在手,坐下来看摔跤比赛,他们希望自己有所娱乐,得到放松、希望开怀一笑。但是,他们也就那么一次,还希望好人战胜坏人。他们希望那大摇大摆嘶叫欺凌好人者,罪有应得。他们为好人祈祷,希望他即使倒在了台面地板上、即使被卡在了坏人的双指扣里、即使手撑后腰极度痛苦,也不要屈服。如果他们能坚持长一点点、忍受苦痛、忍受那艰苦的过程,若能做到如此,他们就有获胜之机。但这还只是赢得资格赛。而获胜者已经精疲力竭、仅仅能够向台下拥挤的人群挥挥手致意。原来,胜利充其量只是一次幸存罢了。 |