Competition in this pair is now closed. Discussion and feedback about the competition in this language pair may now be provided by visiting the "Discussion & feedback" page for this pair. Entries may also be individually discussed by clicking the "Discuss" link next to any listed entry. Source text in English The Beginning
All in a moment, years ago,
The boy I was became a man:
Suddenly my life began!
I saw the world before me— So
That ploughman by his horses stands
Sweating on the first hill's brow,
Having left the riverlands
Furrowed in the vale below,
And sees a mountainside to plough,
Barren rock to blunt his share,
Thunder hanging in the air,
And the black peak above him, bare,
Waiting now.
—Let him plough it if he dare! | Winning entries could not be determined in this language pair.There were 7 entries submitted in this pair during the submission phase. Not enough votes were submitted by peers for a winning entry to be determined.
Competition in this pair is now closed. | Die Begin Alles in 'n oomblik / Meteens die oomblik , jare gelede ... word seun man en my lewe begin! Sien ek die wêreld voor my - Sodat Dié ploegman/ploeër by sy perde staan, En sweet tap by die wenkbrou van die eerste heuwel. Verlaat ek reeds geploegde, gevormde lande van valleie doeronder, En ploeg die berg wat voor my lê. Kaal klip hard, verstomp my aandeel … Onheilswolke wat hang in die lug, En die swart piek daarbo, kaal, Wagtend. - Ploeg my as jy durf! | Entry #29962 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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doeronder | Good term selection I like this poetic variation on "daaronder" (which in terms of the current spelling rules can be one or two words). | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
- 2 users entered 11 "dislike" tags
- 1 user agreed with "dislikes" (1 total agree)
- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (2 total disagrees)
oomblik / Meteens | Other There is no functional reason to provide alternative translations here. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
oomblik , jare | Punctuation Surely there can be no reason for the space before the comma. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Dié | Mistranslations Saying "this plowman" instead of "the plowman" doesn't quite make sense to me. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
En sweet tap by die wenkbrou van die eerste heuwel | Mistranslations did not understand the English text | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
aandeel | Mistranslations "share" (plowshare) was translated as "aandeel" (share in a company) | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Ploeg my as jy durf! | Mistranslations not a good attempt at the English highlight | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
as jy durf | Syntax "as jy dit durf" | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
| Die Begin In ‘n oogwink, baie jare gelede, Het die seun wat was ‘n man geword: Skielik het my lewe begin! So het ek die wêreld voor my gesien— Hoe die plaaswerker by sy perde staan Al swetend op die eerste heuwel se kruin, Die rivieroewers agtergelaat Gegroef in die vallei benede, En sien ‘n berghang om te ploeg, Onvrugbare klip, onwillig om te deel Donderweer hang in die lug, En die swart kruin bokant hom, kaal, In afwagting nou. —Daag hom om te ploeg! | Entry #30443 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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So het ek die wêreld voor my gesien— | Other Interesting way to translate "so" (and it works well). | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
- 2 users entered 4 "dislike" tags
- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (1 total disagree)
plaaswerker | Other Changing "farmer" to "farmer's assistant" changes the meaning of the poem, and not necessarily for the better. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
En sien ‘n berghang om te ploeg, | Grammar errors Word order. Surely "Hoe die plaaswerker by sy perde staan ... en **'n berghang sien** om te ploeg"? | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
onwillig om te deel | Mistranslations Curious re-interpretation of "share" (interpreting "plowshare" as if it means "plow splitting"). | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
| Waar alles begin het Toe ek nog klein was, het ek in die vrugbare vallei geboer. Dit was maklike werk, en die beloning vir my arbeid was eenvoudig die plesier daarvan. Namate ek ouer geword het, het ek ook die heuwels begin ploeg. Dit het wel meer moeite geverg, maar my êe kon dit aan, en my loon van voldoening was dit werd. Maar eendag, toe ek teen die kruin van ’n koppie sit en tevrede om my heenkyk, sien ek vir die eerste keer agter die heuwel dat die wêreld veel groter is. Die volgende hoogte was ’n kale berg, wat enige ploegskaar tot nuttelose yster sou slyp. Waar dinge tot dan toe al hoe makliker geraak het hoe meer ek bereik het, sou daardie berg my lewe al hoe moeiliker maak hoe verder ek vorder. Die berg sê toe vir my, in sy onheilspellende stem, “gee dit op, jy sal my tog nie kan aandurf nie”. En in daardie oomblik, toe ek sy uitdaging aanvaar, met ’n ligte gemoed en wetend wat voorlê, het ek volwasse word. | Entry #30284 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (2 total disagrees)
Dit was maklike werk, en die beloning vir my arbeid was eenvoudig die plesier daarvan. | Mistranslations wrongly interpreted | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
Waar dinge tot dan toe al hoe makliker geraak het hoe meer ek bereik het | Mistranslations does not reflect the poetic original | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
hoe verder ek vorder. | Inconsistencies does not fit in well with the original poem | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
-1 1 En in daardie oomblik, toe ek sy uitdaging aanvaar, met ’n ligte gemoed en wetend wat voorlê, het ek volwasse word. | Mistranslations he became mature earlier on in time | Andries Conradie | |
| Wendepunt Binne een oogwink, jare gelede - Uit die seun wat ek was word ´n man: meteens, my lewe begin te skaar! Wêrelde strek hul voor my uit - soos daardie ploegman met sy perde swoeg blink gesweet oor die eerste kruin. Waterlandskap rotsvas in sy greep ook vallei’ na benee – gesooid deur sy skaar. Maar nou! Voor sy ploeg deins die berghang op… met graniete rots – harde slag vir goed sy deel boonop bliksems wat donder in die lug… ongenaakbaar fel die bergspits, glimmend-swart, ewig ongenaakt, steeds grimmig wagtend af. Voort ploeter? Nee, hand slaan aan die ploeg! | Entry #30470 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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Wendepunt | Other Wendepunt means something other than "beginning", but in the context of this poem it means that same thing. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
gesooid | Good term selection Nice verbification of "sooi". | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
boonop | Flows well Adding this word is a very good way to make the meaning flow better. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Voort ploeter? Nee, hand slaan aan die ploeg! | Other This re-interpretation of the original works well and improves the poem in Afrikaans. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
- 1 user entered 6 "dislike" tags
meteens, my lewe | Syntax I can see no reason not to use normal word order here, "meteens het my lewe" or "meteens my lewe". | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
skaar | Other Using "skaar" here instead of "begin" changes the meaning of the entire poem. I'm not saying it results in a bad poem, but does change the meaning. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Waterlandskap rotsvas in sy greep | Mistranslations This wording sounds very cool! But.. it completely misses the meaning. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
vallei’ na benee | Other Using "valleie" and "benede" would not break the rhythm or flow, so why use the archaic forms? | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
graniete rots | Other I understand the translator tried to use "graniet" as an adjective, which would have much greater impact than simply "granietrots", but... his solution just doesn't work for me. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
deel | Other In other entries, I believe [plow]share was accidentally mistranslated, but here is almost seems like a deliberate mistranslation...? | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
| Die Begin Eens opslag, jare gelede, Het die kind wat ek was ‘n man geword: Skielik het my lewe begin! Ek het die wéreld voor my gesien– So Die ploeër staan by sy perde Sweet op die eerste heuwel se kruin, Hy het die riviere verlaat Onder in die vallei gekreuel, En sien ‘n berghelling om te ploeg, Dorre rots om sy skaar af te slyt, Donder hang in die lug, En die swart piek bo hom, kaal, Wagtend. —As hy dit sou waag, laat hy ploeg! | Entry #29180 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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- 1 user entered 1 "like" tag
- 2 users entered 5 "dislike" tags
- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (2 total disagrees)
Eens opslag | Mistranslations Perhaps the translator meant "eens op 'n slag"? | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
gesien– | Punctuation There is no space in English, because it's English. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
gekreuel | Spelling There is really no need to create a new spelling for "gekreukel". | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
| Die Begin Binne oomblikke, jare terug Het ek wat seun was, geword man: Skielik was my lewe aan! Die wêreld voor my aanskou - Aan die kant die ploër wat by sy perde staan al swetend op die eerste heuwelrand agter lê die rivierland' gevoor in die vallei hieronder En sien hy die bergkant om te ploeg Kaal rotse wat sy deel verstomp Donder hang in die lug, En die swart piek bo hom, leeg, wagtende nou. -Laat hom ploeg as hy waag! | Entry #30115 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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- 2 users entered 3 "like" tags
gevoor | Good term selection This verbification of "voor" (furrow) works well. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
bergkant | Good term selection Very visual. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Kaal rotse wat sy deel verstomp | Good term selection | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
- 2 users entered 10 "dislike" tags
- 1 user agreed with "dislikes" (2 total agrees)
- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (1 total disagree)
aan | Other This doesn't mean or imply anything in Afrikaans. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
-1 1 Die wêreld voor my aanskou - Aan die kant | Spelling does not make sense | Andries Conradie | |
rivierland' | Other "rivierland" is fine here; no need to have used "rivierlande" and then poetically reduce it using an apostrophe. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
gevoor in die vallei hieronder | Spelling does not make sense | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
deel | Mistranslations Translated share (plowshare) as "part" doesn't quite work here. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
as hy waag | Syntax Rather "as hy dit waag" or "as hy hom waag". | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
| Die Begin Als in 'n oogwink, jare gelede, Die seun wat ek was, het 'n man geword: Meteens het my lewe begin! Ek het die wêreld voor my gesien - dus Sien die boer by sy perde staan Gesweet op die eerste heuwel, Verlating van die rivierlande Verkreukel in die valle hieronder, En sien 'n kant van 'n berg om te ploeg, Onvrugbare rots om sy lot te stomp, Donderweer hang in die lug, En die swart hoogtes bo hom, verlate, In afwagting nou. Laat hom ploeg wie dit waag! | Entry #30175 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specifiednone
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Sien | Other Not really a "like", but addressing the reader in this way is an interesting tactic (also "sien" further down).. | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Onvrugbare rots om sy lot te stomp, | Flows well | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
- 2 users entered 7 "dislike" tags
- 1 user agreed with "dislikes" (1 total agree)
- 1 user disagreed with "dislikes" (3 total disagrees)
Die seun | Syntax Why not just the normal word order, "het die seun"? | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
Verkreukel in die valle hieronder | Other bad interpretation, word choice does not work | Andries Conradie No agrees/disagrees | |
Verkreukel | Other "verkreukel" means unneat; perhaps you meant "gekreukel", which would have earned a "like" from me! | Samuel Murray No agrees/disagrees | |
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