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Хозяйственный суд Киева (Украины)
кладовые природы
Dec 30, 2007 18:43
16 yrs ago
Russian term

освещенный желтыми огнями

Russian to English Other Poetry & Literature
It is a description of Rome as a young girl is entering it. The problem is if I say "illumined by yellow flames" or "yellow fire" it sounds like there actually is a fire (I'm assuming here the light is coming from the sun).

But if I say "illumined by yellow light" it sounds...well, flat.

And it's the opening sentence of a short story so it really needs to be good.

Pomogite! Budu ochen' blagodarna.

Желтый, освещенный желтыми огнями Рим всегда таким будет наплывать в ее памяати. В такой Рим ввозил ее абтобус впервые тринадцать лет назад -- вечерняя дорога пылилась, руины безмолвствовали, и Рим желтел впереди. А ей было семьнадцать лет.
Proposed translations (English)
4 illuminated yellow
3 +3 bathed in yellow light
4 +1 ablaze in yellow
4 illuminated by the rays of the sun
4 Yellow and illumined by yellow lights Rome
4 lit up with yellow lights
4 Bathed in golden light
3 nightyellow
3 Rome in yellow, with her yellow street lights..
3 flooded with yellow lights
3 the yellow Rome alight in yellow flames
2 Rome sinking in the lights of yellow...

Discussion

Deborah Hoffman (asker) Dec 31, 2007:
LOL Gary! What I was thinking is that perhaps the lights weren't yellow back then. Where I grew up street lights were orange in the 1970s and only later became yellow or white. I have no idea why.
GaryG Dec 30, 2007:
OK, Deborah. I was in Rome in the 1970s and I know they had electric lighting then ;-)
Deborah Hoffman (asker) Dec 30, 2007:
Good point Gary G; the story is set in the 1970s.
Dylan Edwards Dec 30, 2007:
Perhaps the author means, very literally, just that: Yellow .... that's how I remember it. After all, each person's memories are very individual.
Dylan Edwards Dec 30, 2007:
Following up on Enote's comment (and the pictures!) you could say "golden" or "golden-yellow" to make it sound more poetic, but is this really the author's intention?
GaryG Dec 30, 2007:
Is this contemporary Rome?
Deborah Hoffman (asker) Dec 30, 2007:
But now I'm finding these pictures of Rome at night:

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_search.php?action=Browse&Cac...
Deborah Hoffman (asker) Dec 30, 2007:
So here огнями is more lights than flames? I had a picture in my head of a setting sun (because of вечерняя дорога) causing the city to be yellow.
Enote Dec 30, 2007:
in Russian yellow sometimes means gold(en)...
Olga Layer Dec 30, 2007:
The light here is coming from lamp posts or something like that -- not the sun, since further in the passage it talks about "вечерняя дорога".

Proposed translations

3 days 13 hrs
Selected

illuminated yellow

Just like that, no "lights" needed.

The Empire State Building was illuminated yellow and white for spring. The famous skyscraper changes its evening light show, depending on the time of the ...
www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/articles/2006/02/13/student_...

The stage was illuminated yellow, the figure revealed, human looking but not, wielding a large rectangular blade and the name "DSMK2" engraved on its helm. ...
www.freepowerboards.com/dotro/dotro-ntopic28.html
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "You know, I think I will go with this, and then split up the first sentence. If it doesn't fly I can always change it, but the literal alternative is too clunky for an opening sentence. Thanks!"
38 mins

illuminated by the rays of the sun

maybe this will fit into your context?
Peer comment(s):
neutral The Misha : Where does it say sun in the original? It seems lthat it is happening at night, or at least at sunset.
7 hrs
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1 hr

Yellow and illumined by yellow lights Rome

Yellow and illumined by yellow lights Rome
I think it is not a bad idea to translate it as we see it in Russian. Because it is clearly stated that the city was yellow and illumined by the lights, probably the artificial lights – it was evening anyway. May be it is meant by the author to push the envelope farther.
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+1
2 mins

ablaze in yellow

How's this?

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Note added at 1 hr (2007-12-30 20:15:16 GMT)
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It may well be street lights but my wording has the advantage of avoiding mention of the source :-)
Peer comment(s):
agree The Misha : Sounds poetic enough to me
7 hrs
Did to me, too but, then again, I ain't no *&%!$# poet! :-)
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1 hr

lit up with yellow lights

"A Rome lit up with yellow lights will always waft like this in her memory."
Streetlights are generally white or yellow.
Reference:

http://multitran.ru

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2 hrs

nightyellow

Yellow, nightyellow Rome...

any independent clause is going to sound clumsy in English
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1 hr

Rome in yellow, with her yellow street lights..

...

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Note added at 1 hr (2007-12-30 20:07:53 GMT)
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will always ***naplyvat*** in the (NOT her) memory such as she saw the city xx yrs ago sitting in a bus which brought her...: night road ...

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Note added at 2 hrs (2007-12-30 20:50:45 GMT)
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what creates a certain mood here is *yellow lights*, not bright

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Note added at 2 hrs (2007-12-30 20:57:27 GMT)
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it's the opening sentence of a short story so it really needs to be good.

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Note added at 2 hrs (2007-12-30 21:09:11 GMT)
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it's a boresome description: road dusty, ruins silent, Rome yellow, not green !!!

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Note added at 2 hrs (2007-12-30 21:12:46 GMT)
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boring
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+3
4 hrs

bathed in yellow light

"Yellow, bathed in yellow light, was Rome..." sort of like
"Желтый, освещенный желтыми огнями Рим ..."

in terms of the (guessed) mood.
Peer comment(s):
agree Alexander Litvinov : I like it
1 hr
Thanks, Alexander!
agree The Misha : Sounds good too
3 hrs
Thanks, TheMisha!
agree Dorene Cornwell : golden-yellow, bathed in yellow light is how Rome will always... in my memory
2 days 1 hr
Thanks, Dorene!
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5 hrs

Bathed in golden light

yellow is too literal, golden seems more evocative, more... romatic
Peer comment(s):
neutral Alexander Litvinov : Symbolic meaning of the colour may be important for the author, so I would think twice before changing it without necessity.
1 hr
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22 hrs

flooded with yellow lights

Yellow Rome, flooded with yellow lights, ...
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3 days 8 hrs

the yellow Rome alight in yellow flames

why not :)
Something went wrong...
8 days

Rome sinking in the lights of yellow...

It seems to me that the sentence should open either with "Rome" or "Yellow" since the opening words have the most powerful impact...
Something went wrong...
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