Off topic: Ancient rituals practiced by translators Thread poster: Eva Straus
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Eva Straus 
Slovenia
Local time: 06:40
Member (2007)
English to Slovenian
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Ancient rituals practiced by translators
(Inspired by something funny I witnessed the other day.)
Never ask a translator what a certain word means when you're in a hurry. Just look it up in a dictionary and save yourself a lot of grief. Because a translator will never give you the answer straight away. Oh no.
You see, translation is the second oldest profession known to humanity, so perhaps unsurprisingly some rather elaborate traditions have evolved over... See more Ancient rituals practiced by translators
(Inspired by something funny I witnessed the other day.)
Never ask a translator what a certain word means when you're in a hurry. Just look it up in a dictionary and save yourself a lot of grief. Because a translator will never give you the answer straight away. Oh no.
You see, translation is the second oldest profession known to humanity, so perhaps unsurprisingly some rather elaborate traditions have evolved over the millennia and they are duly followed by translators to this day. If you for example ask your translator what any word means she’s obligated to perform The Barrage, a much-feared and little-understood ancient ritual. What will happen is this.
First, your translator will blurt out an intimidating number of possible meanings and translations in rapid succession & random order. Your heart will start sinking at this point. But it’ll be too late for fears and regrets...
When she finally gathers her composure and stops hyperventilating, she'll mercilessly interrogate you about the context, the intended audience and whatnot. Without fail. Go ahead and try it if you don't believe me. If she’s any good she’ll flood you with questions until you’re swimming for your life, vulnerable and unable to gather the strength to resist this already second unexpected assault from the otherwise probably quite gentle, mild-mannered, perhaps even a bit shy creature. Your desperate attempts to provide her with the context she demands might leave you divulging confidential information. Luckily she’s a pro and knows how to handle delicate stuff.
Then she *might* even tell you the translation you need but that won't stop her from embarking on a lengthy monologue that’ll lovingly explore each possible nuance of every single translation she mentioned in her initial outburst, coming up with many others as she goes on and on and on. She’s sure to explain all those linguistic subtleties only translators are willing to discern or care about. No escape here.
(It’s your fault really. You should have known better than to awake The Translator. You see, translators do know a lot about words. And combinations thereof. If you give them the right cue they’ll surely show you just how much they know.)
Your muttered pleas and objections having to do with you *not actually needing to hear all that right now, your migraine acting up or your ears starting to bleed* will be ignored throughout the ordeal.
In the end you’ll be left standing there, quivering with exhaustion, quietly swearing never to unleash The Translator again and - perhaps for the first time - fully appreciating the true value of a good dictionary.
And then your translator will inevitably ask if there’s anything else you’re curious about. Shake your head quietly, do not make eye contact, walk away slowly. Do not ask anything. Failing to do so will result in The Barrage being performed all over again, this time with cross-references to your previous question.
Now where was I? Oh yes, our ancient rituals. Do you know more? Please share. ▲ Collapse
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My rituals are redoing translation in other days (to fresh up my concentration/selection of words), sleeping after repetitive text translations (to prevent simple human error: blurring!), stopping use of pen/pencil but starting use of PC as well as Internet OR I am not confident of my own jobs, and doing exercise after long-time sitting for a job (to maintain my health).
Soonthon Lupkitaro
| | | | | Thank you, Lady Strauss! | Feb 2, 2011 |
This is hilarious and oh so true - just ask my kids
| | | | | Lady Strauss made my day :) | Feb 2, 2011 |
Thank you so much - I enjoyed your post so much my wife heard it and came running fearing I just might soak my unmentionables.
You get 10/10!
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| You hit the nail on the head! | Feb 2, 2011 |
Thank you for cheering me up with this funny and realistic description!
However, as far as members of my family as askers are concerned I perform that ritual rather as an inner dialogue, guessing about the context etc.
| | | | Szilas Cseh
Serbia
Local time: 06:40
English to Hungarian
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| I loved this post! | Feb 2, 2011 |
What a great start of the day!
Thanks!
| | | | Vitals
Lithuania
Local time: 07:40
English to Lithuanian
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Lady Strauss, you should try to post it as an article on Proz.com (if you didn't do it yet).
Just an idea.
VS
| | | | Alison Sabedoria (X)
United Kingdom
French to English
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Fortunately, my boyfriend has learned "the look" which is generally sufficient to shut me up (useful in public).
Another ritual: The Subtitle Rant
This ritual generally consists of repetitive chanting, accompanied by primitive stamping, thigh-slapping, fist-banging or pointing movements. As the ritual progresses, the initiate may utter loud cries and growls in imitation of wild animals. When the ritual is over, the initiate may take several minutes to return to ... See more Fortunately, my boyfriend has learned "the look" which is generally sufficient to shut me up (useful in public).
Another ritual: The Subtitle Rant
This ritual generally consists of repetitive chanting, accompanied by primitive stamping, thigh-slapping, fist-banging or pointing movements. As the ritual progresses, the initiate may utter loud cries and growls in imitation of wild animals. When the ritual is over, the initiate may take several minutes to return to a state of normal consciousness. During this time there may well be displays of head-shaking, deep sighing and muttering of low incantations, apparently accompanied by a state of disorientation and general bewilderment. It is unwise for onlookers to pass comment at this stage.
Yes, watching a subtitled film in the company of a translator must be an ordeal for anyone "normal". I can barely imagine what it must be like to sit next to a demented harpy who leaps up every 2 minutes yelling, "But that's not what he said!"
Perhaps cinemas should offer special segregated screenings for translators only (and ban us from the rest). ▲ Collapse
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| Thank you Lady Strauss and Wordeffect | Feb 2, 2011 |
Someone has very swiftly gagged me, because otherwise....
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Just ask my wife
S
| | | | kmtext
United Kingdom
Local time: 05:40
English
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Another ritual: The Subtitle Rant
This ritual generally consists of repetitive chanting, accompanied by primitive stamping, thigh-slapping, fist-banging or pointing movements. As the ritual progresses, the initiate may utter loud cries and growls in imitation of wild animals. When the ritual is over, the initiate may take several minutes to return to a state of normal consciousness. During this time there may well be displays of head-shaking, deep sighing and muttering of low incantations, apparently accompanied by a state of disorientation and general bewilderment. It is unwise for onlookers to pass comment at this stage.
Yes, watching a subtitled film in the company of a translator must be an ordeal for anyone "normal". I can barely imagine what it must be like to sit next to a demented harpy who leaps up every 2 minutes yelling, "But that's not what he said!"
Perhaps cinemas should offer special segregated screenings for translators only (and ban us from the rest).
It's even worse when said translator is also a subtitler. My partner has started to leave the room whenever subtitles appear on screen, having heard it all before. I know it doesn't do any good, but I just can't help myself.
| | | | S E (X)
Italy
Local time: 06:40
Italian to English
What a nicely written piece, and absolutely spot on. Thank you for posting it.
I guess translators belong to the same subclass as that other exemplary creature, the Graduate Student.
(Full-fledged Academics tend to have learned to edit their replies to innocent queries ("So, how long did it taken Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Ceiling?"), perhaps as the result of years of undergraduate teaching. I wonder how the Translator, often working in isolation, might learn the... See more What a nicely written piece, and absolutely spot on. Thank you for posting it.
I guess translators belong to the same subclass as that other exemplary creature, the Graduate Student.
(Full-fledged Academics tend to have learned to edit their replies to innocent queries ("So, how long did it taken Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Ceiling?"), perhaps as the result of years of undergraduate teaching. I wonder how the Translator, often working in isolation, might learn the art of the concise reply?*  )
*Not that we really want him/her to. ▲ Collapse
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I feel like I´ve just been quite described by Lady Strauss... how funny! : )
And what about reading a book that has been poorly translated? Don´t you go, "Oh my, this should read such and such...", or "Goodness!, this is horrible, I should correct this book and send it to the editors!"
What would you call this ritual?
: )
Elena
| | | | | A very accurate and funny description | Feb 2, 2011 |
Thanks a lot for this huge laugh you gave me this morning, Lady Strauss!
I am sure I will keep coming back to read your post over and over again!
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